I miss wine. We only broke up a week and a half ago. But it has been really hard. Being PUCO (pregnant until confirmed otherwise) is a waiting game. But it’s one I have to do alone – without one of my favourite friends.
I know this seems abrupt, and admittedly, it’s hard going through these cold winter nights without you. But we needed to take a break.
And yet…Everything reminds me of you. I see you everywhere.
We used to hang out so often.
My friends still see you around and sometimes I feel pangs if jealousy – resentful that you have other people in your life. I know breaking up was the right thing to do. The end just came so quickly; naively, I thought I’d be ready.
We even celebrated the end of our relationship and said we’d keep in touch – all the while being mindful of establishing some clear boundaries – at least until it wasn’t so hard. It’s not like either of us just ghosted. We had a proper send off. With a really nice dinner.
Still, spending so much time without you has been hard. I know it’s for the best. I just… miss you, is all.
If I see you, out on the town, don’t be offended if I don’t make eye contact, or keep my distance. Seeing you so happy with someone else is going to be tough.
You have lots of people to keep your social calendar full, but I can’t help remembering all those years working together at the vineyard; those great holidays we took in the Douro Valley in Portugal; Spain, Greece, France and Germany, and even the quaint moments where we backpacked on a dime in Hungary.
I know I seem like I’m having trouble getting over you and moving on with my life, but this is going to be so awkward for our mutual friends, not to mention how weird it’ll be around my family. I haven’t even told them that we broke up.
I know they’ll understand. No offence, but they’ll be thrilled. It’s not that they don’t love you – they do; heck, you’re always going to be an honorary member of the family, but I know they want me to be happy.
I have to live my life without you.
Until I take a pregnancy test.
So like maybe, just maybe, we can have a bit of a rebound, or slide into our old, comfortable relationship. But I’m really hoping to make this a clean break.