I know it’s supposed to be a predictably unpredictable journey to have Children. But how much more complicated can it get?
Yesterday, (I had to wait a day for my rage tears to subside), we finally pinned it down. Made the call to the sperm bank to order the goods.
Here is how this went.
1) Decided on the donor from Xytex.
2) Called to see about ordering three units.
3) Must get Canadian company to order on our behalf.
4) Called the clinic, Charm Fertility, to find out where the the units should be sent.
5) Nurse N. called back and a number of the things she said were a concern.
-She didn’t know how many units we should order, because she thought 750 sounded expensive.
-Or that it must be enough for multiple tries.
-Then she told us that in the six months she’s been there she has ‘never seen anybody get pregnant using I donor.’ But then added: One single woman she knows has been trying for months.
-Additionally, she also told us that in spite of me just having an HSG two days ago, which I was told I needed, they are going to be closed for two weeks starting on Monday.
6) So, 6… they are closed for two weeks.
7) It was only when I asked how that would impact my cycle that she explained all the cycles and monitoring and procedures are on pause. I asked why we were not informed about the closure, and she said we must not have been into the clinic, but everyone at the clinic is apprised of our plan.
8) Based on the timing of my cycle this means that the entire summer is a write off, because I will start my period midway through their vacation, which means I will not be able to do a procedure at the end of July, having missed the mandatory monitoring.
9) Nor will I be able to complete one in August before returning to full time work which is next to impossible to book off because (well, high school teacher).
10) My monitoring will start in the last week of August, then I will be back at school by the time the insemination is supposed to happen, which is exactly why we set aside an entire summer to try to begin this process.
Some questions: Why were we not told? Why aren’t they backfilling the jobs so people can continue this very important process? Why can’t we go to their sister clinic, or be transferred, when my psych evaluation, seminar, consent and the actual procedure will happen there? Why did I go for a hospital procedure two days ago when it was completely unnecessary given their closure? Why can a clinic, our second now, collect your money but not tell you they actually can’t provide the service you’ve discussed with them? Why doesn’t anyone communicate?
I don’t even want to add numbers to this list of frustrations (which won’t even include the fact that as a lesbian couple, everything is inherently more expensive, annoying and seemingly unfair, because the price just skyrockets with the assumption that you aren’t having sex with a man who might be donating for you). And…This isn’t the first time we have been set back months by their disorganization.
We first signed up with them and waited to get an appointment to sign consent to be on the waiting list for IVF. Then at the appointment, for which we book the day off work, we were told we couldn’t sign until we had attended a seminar, which hadn’t happened and it wouldn’t happen until six weeks later. There was NO foreseeable way for us to have a baby that would not have involved seeing this psychologist and attending the meeting/info session, etc. So why did we only hear about it when we were there to sign forms we couldn’t possibly sign without the other two steps in place?
So …we attended the seminar, and found out that before we could make another appointment to sign her paperwork (this is when we were switching from Allia to me for potential carrier), we needed an interview with a psychologist, for which we had to wait weeks for the appointment. Then we had to reschedule another day off work to come in to sign the papers we should’ve been able to sign almost 8 weeks before, just to get on the list to wait potentially two years to get IVF.
How many months of our lives will be just spent waiting due to administrative incompetence? It’s not like it’s life or death or anything? Just life or no life. And with all our past hoops and pitfalls, is it too much to expect that the stuff you can control would just roll out smoothly for once? Did I mention that this is the second, technically third clinic?
So what does a gong-show of a fertility journey look like? Maybe I’ll tell you one day, maybe tomorrow.