To do gets realĀ 

Some days feel surreal. I use an app to organize critical and ‘soonish’ tasks that need to get done. I was feeling so proud of flying through my to do list and came to a bullet point in the list: buy sperm. 

This is just where our life is lately. 

It squares nicely with some of the other strange realizations I have. For example, he will sometimes ask about how my wife and I met; depending on who I’m telling, sometimes the detail about our first kiss gets brought up:

“we were at the Rhino…and we actually tried to play pool which neither of us is good at, and then we kissed in the bathroom, which reeked of urine and industrial cleaner.” 

It never occurred to me that kissing in the bathroom wasn’t a normal first time, since so much of my dating life was spent at lesbian bars where I would wait in line beside the girl I was seeing, or which was sometimes the only place you could go for privacy, so that your exes, who were also at the same bar wouldn’t see the start of things between someone else. It was a handy way of having to spend a few minutes waiting in line together. Creepy but opportunistic. 

Then there are all the perks, like never worrying if the person will be squeamish about picking up tampons, or lending you a pair of their underwear if you forget to pack some when you’re on vacation; or asking if they have any Midol in their purse; or making sure that your lipstick shades won’t create an unflattering shade if they mix. 

And it never gets old having people respond to our relationship in a sweet or positive way. Like this great comment in our Huffington Post Video. 


Not every day is sunshine and rainbows. Except sometimes it literally IS 

Today: buy sperm. 


Sperm Shopping – Your Average Saturday Afternoon

It’s time. No more putting it off. I’m stalling. Eating a veggie burger, roasted parsnips, carrots and hummus. But today is the day (or at least one of many). We have signed all the paperwork. Literally 1.5 hours of papers and contracts.

We have signed off on using a clinic (our fave doctor is branching out and going it alone, so we get to stay with her).

We understand the possible consequences. We might get pregnant as a result of the ‘treatment’.

We agree to the procedure. We agree to share the ‘product’ of the procedure. We are not being coerced. We signed off in both directions, me to co-own the ‘product’ with my wife, and she to co-own if I should get pregnant. We are both on the roster. Signed off on the sharing of our info with the government, with the system that monitors in-vitro and assisted pregnancy. We even signed off on what might be done with extra specimen, in the event that we don’t need them; in the event that we separate; in the event that we… die. There’s an option for embryonic donation… option D. For use in research, for disposal, for … freezing and use by the other partner.

Now that we are both on the wait list (2 year) for In-Vitro Fertilization, and I have consented to move forward with IUI, we might find ourselves in a few interesting scenarios. What if I get pregnant with IUI? And then Allia finds herself at the top of the list, while I’m still pregnant? What if we are called up at the same time for IVF? We are technically side by side on the list. It’s all so interesting. What if she gets called to say we are a go, and then has leftover eggs … should we implant them insideĀ me?

I guess I’m getting ahead of myself, but how far can you plan? The whole process will start rolling (more than it already is) in June, once I’m off the stage from my dance show, and when exams have ended at school. Will I be able to take a course this summer? Take a trip? What can I plan when I could be pregnant in July,… or next year some time?

At least we can spend the afternoon online shopping for juice, objectively objectifying men based on a list of ticked boxes. I know what I am hoping for, but I don’t have to be ‘in love’ with the man in the photograph. Just the idea of him and how he presents himself on paper.

Stay tuned for next time: what I’m looking for in a man (seriously/not seriously).


What would your criteria be for choosing a donor? Please share. I’m always inspired by your messages.