Have private worlds of worry
And of joy.
No one talks enough about the brave faces we put
Between the world and ourself
Or our own mirror
This is the face of someone who is holding It together.
And not always well.
Dance is saving my life.
But being surrounded by the tiny feet and faces of all the sweet babies
Of company members is equal parts hard and inspiring
People don’t talk about how miscarriage and loss and fighting
Changes your resiliency
I don’t know how to bounce back
When the certain things don’t seem so certain
So I look up.
I stare into the lights.
It feels like Ani says,
“Every pop song in the radio
Is suddenly speaking to me”
I do “feel better when I’m dancing…
We can do this together…”
And parts of these moments are being stolen
Because sadness is always under all of it
I dance for myself
Because it reminds me who I am
And I don’t know if I can be happy
Or if anyone can
If they don’t know who they are
And what brings them joy
So I humble myself and step out onto the stage
No more tears.
And trust myself to do what my body and mind knows how to do
“I’ll keep on making the same mistakes.
I’ll keep on making them every day.
And I will. This is for me.
And for you. Because if I’m okay
Maybe we will be, too.
But at least I’ve taken care of my half.
This is mine.
I will step forward. Not back.