We`re keeping it positive. Heading into our fourth round of IUI, and hoping that this time it`s going to stick. We are getting pretty used to the early morning visits and the counting of days. I`ve been wearing a bracelet on my ankle since the summer time. After our last miscarriage, I was cleaning out the basement and found some bracelets made of ribbon… from my trip to Brazil when I was a teen; the ribbon is tied and a wish is made. When the ribbon falls off, your wish will come true.
It`s a tradition that still goes on in Bahia, Brazil. I wonder if, given its religious connotations, it works for lesbian pregnancy wishes? I wonder, too, if writing it out in an anonymous (sort 0f) online format invalidates the secrecy of the wish?
On the radio this morning, on the way to our appointment, CBC radio had a program about stress; a single-parent was talking about wanting to feel ‘free’ and lamenting the stresses, the feeling of being stuck, in her role as a single mother, an employee, a human. Part of me was resentful that she, having made a commitment to raise a child, now wishes for the freedom she no longer has. It seems intuitive that when you agree to become a parent, everything else takes a back seat AND you know your life will never be just yours. You belong to your child, to some extent.
Perhaps, wanting to have a child makes you hyper aware of the moments when people who have what you want seem ungrateful – even if that is a complicated reality and a very human response. Or when expectant mothers complain about not fitting into clothes, … I wish for a similar ‘problem’.
It must be similar to a parent hearing a single person, or a childless person, complain about how ‘busy’ they are… knowing that they can’t possibly understand what busy means… until they’ve added creating and maintaining another human life, to the list of things that must get done on a daily basis.
Perspective is key. For now, fingers crossed. I welcome the challenge.